Me and Court

I was soooo wanting a mental health day off from work today and darned near didn't go to work. But, my mantel of responsibility took over and I made myself get there. Good thing!

Somebody called in sick. So, guess who got to go into court and cover? ME, of course. It's been a while since I've been in court since I'm the manager and tell everyone else what to do. I'm a bit rusty, but there were five hearings scheduled. . .no big deal. I'd be in and out in a couple of hours. NOT SO. We started at 9:30 a.m. and got out at 4 p.m. and I had no lunch! Talk about starving to death!

As Judge, myself (I was doodling a lot), five attorneys, and several parties sat in the middle of a very, very long and very boring civil oral argument, one particular loud and Mr. Boisterous Attorney jumped up when it was his turn and started his arguments. All of a sudden an echo repeating everything he said came out of the ceiling speakers. Those blasted gremlins must be at it again! Long story, short. . . it's really hard for me to tell a short story. . . the record (which you HAVE to have in court) was not recording. OH, oh! Judge looks at me. I look at Judge. I stop the recording and attempt to reboot, while Mr. Boisterous Attorney holds his thoughts. That's really a difficult feat for some attorneys. We start again. Mr. Boisterous Attorney attempts to continue his train of thought. I look at Judge. Judge looks at me and I shake my head. It's not working. OH, oh! Need Plan B. We move to the other courtroom.

While five attorneys, several parties and Judge take a break, I test the equipment in the second courtroom to make sure it is working, gather the water jugs and replace the ice and get the courtroom ready. When am I suppose to go to the bathroom? Judge's water jug is empty and the others need more water. I make a mistake and ask Judge, "What are you drinking?" His reply, "Water, but I wish it was something a lot better than that!" Bet you didn't know Judges don't always have water in their pitchers! So, Nice Me runs downstairs to the second floor and grabs the ice cold Diet Pepsi I had reserved for the afternoon. Judge stays awake for the afternoon, I find myself nodding off. Next time, I'm stealing somebody else's Diet Coke out of the fridge for Judge instead of donating my Diet Pepsi! Surely, that's not a crime!

Finally all the attorneys ran out of things to say. You see, attorneys always have to get the last word in before they sit down, and just when you think you're done with the hearing, another one jumps up.

Afterward, I had to call the Help Desk to figure out the problem with the recording system in the first courtroom. Mr. IT Guy promptly tells me to look at the toggle switch by my leg. I look. It's toggled to the PA system instead of the head phones. OH, oh. I SWEAR, I didn't move and there was NO WAY I switched that switch with my leg! Nice Mr. IT Guy says maybe when Mr. Boisterous Attorney jumped up for his argument, it caused some weird static electricity that caused the switch to switch to the PA system by itself. I liked his theory. He's my kind of guy. He knows just what to say to a very, very tired and hungry clerk.